Ladies, Where Are Your Standards?

We have got to raise our standards!!!! Wanting a guy that's rich is not high standards. Wanting a guy with his pants hanging off is not high standards. Wanting a guy that does nothing but wait for you to be his mama is not high standards. Putting up with foolishness is not high standards. High standards mean QUALITY. Wanting a man that is good all the way around, wanting a man that has goals and include YOU in their goals, wanting a man that works and put in the best effort in his work, and wanting a man that treats you like the ROYALTY that YOU ARE is quality and sticking to that and making sure that man meets those things and continue to meet them is having high standards. Women keep complaining about finding a good man and first, HE needs to find YOU, and second, raise your standards!

 Looking for superficial things like money, nice car, and how they dress is going to disappoint you. It’s easy, cheap, and looking for the quantity not the QUALITY. So you have someone that has lots and lots of money. You can buy whatever you want and feel like you are “well taken care of” but are you really? If that is all you are looking for, what about how he treats you? What about what kind of father would he be? Are you okay with having the money and the ring, but he’s connecting with other women emotionally and physically? We can’t limit our standards to one feature!

Now, I’m not saying wanting to be able to pay your bills is bad or if you end up with someone with lots of money is bad. What I’m saying is don’t limit yourself to that one thing. Also, prioritize the traits that you want. Have deal breakers. What traits are good to have for you, but you will be okay without? Which ones are a MUST and if he doesn’t have it, he wouldn’t be worth your time? I’ve had people tell me to find someone that was rich, and my question was, “Well what about other good qualities?” My personal preferences may be different from someone else’s, but I’m not going to make my preference based on someone else’s. We are entitled to what we want for us, to what we prefer for ourselves. Having lots of money is okay, but I want someone that’s my friend, that I can hang out with, that I can sit and talk to, that will spread out on the living room floor and watch movies with me. As for money, as long as he is RESPONSIBLE and WORKS HARD, the bills will get paid. It may even be God’s will that you two become wealthy TOGETHER.

What really sparked my concern was a comment a young lady made to my husband. It made him shake his head and I couldn’t help but to wonder what our young ladies are being taught to accept. This young lady asked my husband was he gay. He replied saying no. He asked her why would she ask that, and she said, “I ask that because you always wear your pants around your waste.” Are you serious? Is this what we as women have lowered ourselves to? If a guy has his pants hanging off his behind and down to his knees, it’s a sign that he’s not gay therefore you can try to snatch him up? What? Actually it is the other way around, and men with their pants where they should be should be a sign of a GENTLEMAN. But when did the dress of a gentleman become gay, and the dress of a dude showing off his nasty draws become manly??

The best standard to have is to want a man that is SAVED and follows God’s will, not his own. God’s perfect order is already set, and all we have to do is get in alignment. God is over the man, the man over his wife, the wife over the children. In other words, God leads the way, the man follows God, the wife follows her husband, and the children follow her. Some of us women have been taught or taught ourselves to not need a man, but no matter how strongly you feel about that, NOBODY can argue or change what GOD already has in order. Whatever the problem is, a conversation with God is needed. I know, I’ve been there and you couldn’t tell me nothing either! Six years ago I would have laughed if anyone told me I would be writing posts like these!

With God leading the way, you know you are in good hands, and with a man that follows God, you know you are in good hands and have a strong covering! You have all of these being protecting YOU because you are that PRECIOUS! Some proof that a man that follows God is good can be found nowhere but in the scriptures. A man that follows God is good because men are told to provide for his household or he is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8 ESV). Men are to show themselves in ALL respects to be a MODEL of GOOD WORKS, and in their teaching show INTEGRITY and DIGNITY (Titus 2:7 ESV). As LADIES, getting in that WORD helps us understand our roles as women and wives, and it also helps us understand what men of God are really about and what we should really look for. When setting standards, start with that BIBLE!

Look for what personality makes you happy. Then, do they do what they are suppose to do? Do they have goals and work towards those goals? Do they include your dreams in also reaching their goals? Can both of your dreams work together to reach a common goal? Is there a PEACE about this person? And there are men that work their behinds off and women, some of us bash them because they are not making $100,000 or more a year! We say they are not men! What???! Shallow thinking! What is he working toward? I'm sure he's not trying to stay in that place in his life forever! Plus, the man is WORKING! And working hard! Let them work! Sometimes, all they need to really set them on their way is that help meet like YOU. Stop bashing these guys that are trying to make things happen and you just can't see all of that. If so, go get yourself in check first. I had to.

Additional Scriptures and my quick summaries of them:

Psalms 1 1-6 (Men of God are righteous and blessed. Their household is blessed)

Joshua 1:9 (Men of God are strong and courageous)

Ephesians 5:22-25 (the role of men and wives)

Proverbs 22:29 (Girl, you better get you a hard-working man!) smile

I made a list when I was in college of what I wanted in a man (like most of us girls). I prayed and talked to God about this list and he already had the perfect guy lined up, but I had to get myself in wife-mode according to the Word of God. If I hadn’t, we would have had some serious problems in our marriage, OR God would not have brought him to me yet because I wouldn’t have been ready. Sometimes we want things so bad and we’re not even ready for them. Our standards then get compromised because we want a man sooooo bad! But you not ready. Focus on being ready and following God’s will, not your own. And if you're thinking, "Well there's not many good men out there" then if we raise these standards, these men will comply, the real ones. But we don't expect much from them or expect unrealistic things and that's what we get.

Check out my previous post about setting standards.

With nothing but love and wanting the best from and for our ladies,

Amy M.