When People Treat US Badly, And God Tells Us To Be Nice Anyway…

I’m pretty sure most of you have dealt with situations where God was shifting the people in your life and the ones that were once close to you, it was then the season to let them go and new people came into your lives. But what about when YOU feel certain people need to be let go because of something they’ve done to hurt you or constantly not line up with your beliefs and you feel the need to distance yourself and all the while, God is continuously pushing you to reach out to this person (or people)? You can’t figure out why God wants you to be nice and hold out yet another hand when this person has been nothing but the opposite for you. Maybe there is still a lesson for you or even a seed He needs you to plant before you depart from them. We always have to look at things through God’s eyes and pay attention to His will and not be all in our feelings. It’s difficult, but it’s amazing what you see and experience and even the things you don’t get to witness that were a result of your obedience and gentleness despite the situation.

Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding

Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord,”

2 Timothy 2:23-26 Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (Wow, this one really hit home! This goes back to what I was saying, sometimes there’s more that God wants done than we can see because we are caught up in the wrong things they’ve done instead of looking at how we can lead them to Christ or just plant that seed and keep it moving. It’s not about us and how we feel about the things that happen. If we do feel bad, that’s what God’s peace is for!)

People WILL do us wrong; they are PEOPLE! And we can’t get caught up in their foolishness. We have to continue to be examples of Christ even when we want to tell people about themselves in our own way! We don’t have to get caught up in people’s messes. Sometimes, God is using our responses (not reactions) to minister to them. He’s reaching out to them through us! So, when you can’t figure out why God is pushing you to not let go just yet and to do certain NICE gestures, to continue to show love and acts of kindness, think about His will, not your will. I’m also reminded of Hosea who, even after all of her wrong doings, God told Hosea to continue to love Gomer and care for her. The same for how God continued to love Israel.

There was a time when I had a friend that did unfriendly things to me. I continued to show love and kindness even though I felt I deserved better. Not once did I do or say anything negative to that person. Years later, that person came to realize how unfriendly they really were and acknowledged it to me and apologized. By then, it didn’t matter. Their well-being was all that mattered. As I look back at that, I realize that the person could have realized their wrong-doings and not bring it to me at all. God could have allowed them to have never crossed my path again, but the seed was still planted. They still saw my example of Christ. We don’t have to be present when things catch up with these people. I believe God allowed me to see this person’s regrets and remorse to let me know that your actions do make a difference. You may see it as doing nothing, but boy is it something! We can’t always know the reasons for everything. There are times when YOU want to keep giving chances and God is saying let them go. In either situation, there’s that common denominator: IT’S GOD’S WILL. We may not understand everything, but as long as we follow what He asks of us, He will keep us covered.

Amy M.

Are You Holding Up God's Plans?

It’s amazing how we can plan for things to go an exact, certain way. We do as much as to plan out every little detail. Why? Are you one of those people? I am, and letting God work on me as I speak. I find it so disappointing when I expect things to go a particular way and it takes a completely 180 turn on me! The difference isn’t so bad, but because it did not go according to my plan or my expectations, I’m terribly upset! But I have to ask, why? Why am I upset? Am I really having a temper tantrum because something did not go my way?? Am I really upset because someone said something or reacted in a way that did not play out in my head? Is it really that serious? I’ve noticed that this seems to be the root of several fleshly problems that we as a body have. We are too busy looking at and focusing on our own plans, but don’t you know there are plans that are greater than your own?

We get upset about things, we get frustrated, we get sad, we even get our feelings hurt because we are so focused on our own plans and expectations that we don’t see what God is doing through us or through others! We get so upset and focused on the situation and how hurtful it is that we become engulfed in ourselves, not God and what He needs us to do. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare (peace) and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (ESV) God has a plan, and it is a GOOD plan. Why are we too busy putting our own plans in the way? Doing this causes us to lose patience, get frustrated, become angry, and to do things spitefully. God has taught us to be and do the opposite of these things: “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19), “be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9), “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Romans 12:12), and “a hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” (Proverbs 15:18). I don’t want to be a fool, and neither should any of you!

We have to take these moments when we find ourselves focused on ourselves and our wants and our plans and put that energy toward God and His plan for us. Who are we to say those plans will just not do? We need to use these moments to ask God to help us and to bring us closer to Him. God has plans for us despite how we see our situations or certain circumstances. Sometimes, those low moments are needed just to build us, bring us closer to God, and prepare us for the thing God had planned all along! Sometimes, it's to show other people the evidence of His goodness and power. Let’s ask God to forgive us and to give us wisdom as we deal with daily situations and people in our lives. Make God your focus and let yourself be an example of His goodness, His mercy, and His love.

Amy M.

"I'm Just Being Realistic"

Ever have people in your life that when you share exciting things with them, they respond not with the same excitement, but with seriousness and say things like, “Well, I’m just being realistic.” And they start talking about how that thing could possibly not work out and how you have to prepare for the let down. WHAT??? Are you serious??? This can put a damper on your day, especially when all you wanted was a simple, “That’s great! I’m praying for you!”

I understand people not wanting to get their hopes up or wanting to make sure their loved ones are not in over their heads, but we also have to make sure that we are not being so realistic that we forget to be happy for one another. I dealt with a situation like this, and I begin to feel so discouraged and wondering should I not be excited, should I be looking at all the negative things that could happen and plan according to that? It was like no one wanted to be happy for me and wanted to tell me about how terrible things COULD be.

To some people, being realistic means you are always planning for the worst and if something bad can happen, it will so you better be ready. But to me, realistic means you work together with God. You do your part, work within your means, learn, grow and God watches your faithfulness and your trust in Him, and He provides. We ask for it, work towards it and He is already making it happen (if it is His will). He’s just waiting on us to get there. Therefore, I don’t even like to say “realistic”. I like to say “faith” and “common sense”(smile).

But when good things are happening, why not praise God for it?! Why not be excited?! Why not celebrate and shout for joy?! Especially if it was a long trial, then you are also celebrating the fact that you made it through. One of my favorite songs as a little girl was “How I Got Over” by Tramaine Hawkins. So as a little girl, I understood that some things are going to be hard, but you can’t dwell in that. You have to keep going, with that beautiful smile on your face, until you make it out. Then, you’re able to look back and go, “wow, I made it through all of THAT? Only God!!” and get your praise on!

Why do we try to hold on to those trials? “Well, I can’t try this because the last time I did something, this happened and I’m not trying to let that happen again.” How many of us say things like this? Let’s start by changing our attitudes. We have to ask God to renew our minds. Our mindsets need to be more like, “Well, this happened before, so I need to make sure I do this and that to make sure it doesn’t happen again and Lord I thank you!” Negative people (that call themselves realistic) are just letting previous experiences keep them from moving, from growing where people with faith learn from those experiences and make smarter choices next time and with that trust in God, they keep it moving.

Also, sometimes we act on things God DID NOT tell us to do! Here’s a great way to tell the difference:

                God telling you to do it or it’s going to happen: “There’s this constant tug on my heart to do this thing.” “God just gave me a peace and a sense of happiness about this thing.” “Whenever I pray to God (Yah) about this thing, this other thing always drops into my spirit.”

                God not telling you do it or it’s not suppose to happen: “Well, I know this is wrong, but I’m going to do it anyway.” “I just have this heaviness in my spirit about this thing, but I just can’t stop.” “This is bad for me in the long run, but it feels so good at the moment.”

We know it when we are choosing to go about things the wrong way. But when we are working towards something promised and those trials come along, here’s your learning experience. God is testing you, stretching you, and growing you. Don’t take it as, “Oh I messed up, I’m not trying anymore! I’m a failure!” It may feel like that sometimes, but as long as you have faith in God, meaning you trust Him enough to keep going even though it looks bad and the people around you are saying you are foolish to take that leap, you will be alright. Despite what’s going on around you, you keep it going. God’s plans go beyond our craziest imaginations! Why be “realistic” (believing in the visual things, trusting in your surroundings, dwelling on your circumstance) when you can trust in God and your blessings are even more than you could even think to ask for?!

That negative thinking is based on the fear of failing. The bible says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV). Always saying things won’t work, or dwelling on how it could go badly is not of God, not righteousness. God said, “ Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10 ESV).  If a situation begins to look scary, we have to be in constant prayer and hold tightly to God. He will help us. He will help you! So, distance yourself from those negative thinking people and move closer to God and what He says, and if you are one of those negative thinking people, ask God to renew your mind and to give you the wisdom to deal with different situations and with other people. You will thank Him for it.

Amy M.

How We Talk About Marriage

There are so many marriages out there that have failed or are in bad shape. It is so many that it has come to the point where many of us think that when someone gets married, the first thing to look for is how long you think it’s going to last. This is very sad and makes me ache for those who are truly having problems and support could be just the thing they need. Also, it gives a bad name to those of us with great marriages. It is hard for people to comprehend your happiness, especially if it is a new marriage. We have gotten to the point where we discourage couples and feed them negative feelings, “oh you happy now, give it some years.” I’ve heard this plenty of times and not just to me, but it was told to others. Why?? Why are we discouraging our married couples? The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18,22 ESV) Marriage is a good thing. Yes, some people get married for the wrong reasons or to the wrong person instead of following the guidance of God, but this is not the case for everyone. Because of a few terrible times or watching loved ones get hurt, we associate every marriage as the same. Honestly, I can’t do that. I never could. I watched others around me do that and talk negatively about marriage, but I never saw it that way.

Marriage is supposed to be honorable. And if there are others around that want to share those negative comments, get away. If you and your spouse are dealing with things, it needs to be between the two of you. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (ESV) You are one. You have to be on the same page. You can’t eat something and your stomach just decides it just rather pump blood instead. What?! That sounds crazy, but getting married and becoming one but going against yourself (your spouse because you are one) is crazy! But those people telling you their horror stories don’t help. They are trying to tell you that it is normal to have a bad marriage. No, it’s not! What they should mean is that it is hard sometimes. It is. It is work. Because it’s not just you anymore, it’s the both of you and you depend on each other. On each other (1 Corinthians 11:11). Not the people in your ear.

Also, why is it that when people give advice (or just comments) on marriage, you don’t hear a lot of things about how wonderful it is? Maybe I’ve answered that already and didn’t even realize it. But we need to do more of this. Let these couples know that yes, it’s hard, it’s work, but when you put in that work and that communication and you plan and set goals as ONE FLESH (Matthew 19:2-9), marriage is beautiful. And if you get those comments, “well give it some more years, it will get harder or worse” just say, “well, it may, but God is in the center of this marriage.” This is why it is a must to have God at the center of your life and your marriage. As long as you follow his lead, you can’t go wrong.  Whenever I picture going through something, I picture I’m walking in a dark jungle and all sorts of scary creatures are reaching out trying to grab me or bite at me, but I hold on to God’s hand and he calmly leads the way. His calmness becomes my calmness and then I realize that even though these creatures are trying to get me and I can see them and hear them, because I’m holding tightly to God’s hand, they can’t touch me. They can’t hurt me. I’m protected. I’m literary just walking through, going through. Now, I’m holding on to my husband’s hand while he holds on to God’s.

And some people may say, but some things in a marriage can be really horrible. Yes, but nothing is too big for God. It may seem way too big for us, but God never puts anything on us more than we can handle and with his strength, we are strong (Philippians 4:13). We HAVE to have God. We HAVE to go to him. And you have to ask yourself and each other, how did that horrible thing come about in the first place? But if people are enjoying their marriage, let them!! Be happy WITH them! If they are not, encourage them with The Word. It’s the guide to everything. By reading it and in constant prayer, you will know what God wants you to do. Remember, it’s all about pleasing God.

-Amy M.

What Makes You Laugh?

I had a moment this past weekend that brought me so much laughter that I had to share another post. We all laugh, but the reason why this laughter was so special was because I was home alone while my husband was at work, and I was left in a quiet house trying to avoid my constant thoughts of a sad situation we are dealing with. I tried to find movies to watch, books to read, and that sadness was just there. Then, something happened that made me laugh! One of those good laughs! The type of laugh that starts others to laugh. But since I was the only one home, all I could hear was my own laughter and it was so funny I couldn't stop! When I calmed down, I realized that I felt really happy on the inside and whatever it was I was sad about, it wasn’t even that serious anymore. I had been trying to figure out how to see it as not that big of a deal, but at that moment it finally happened. With laughter. The bible says, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22 ESV) My take away on all of this: God protected me from my own sadness and provided a moment of joy and even to this point, I feel great! We can’t sweat the little things nor the big things. It’s in God’s hands. Smile through it all. Your smile might be the thing that leads someone else straight to God!

-Amy M.

Not Just A Lady, But God's Lady Part 3

Hello all! I talked before in God’s Lady parts 1 & 2 about the necessity of the father’s validation and the Heavenly Father’s validation for little girls. Their confidence and knowledge in God starts from the teaching of the father and example of the mother. As young girls grow up, they should understand their goal is to please God, not others because it can become very easy, especially around middle and high school, to try to please your peers. This comes from trying to prove something: they fit in.

I also talked about who you keep as your company and how it affects you. I ended the post on having good standards and that is what I want to pick up on today. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NVS) says to “flee from sexual immorality” because it is a sin to your own body. Self-respect definitely comes in here. When we realize that sexual immorality is a sin against our own bodies, it helps make better decisions. Over and over again we are told “no sex before marriage”, but no one says why! This is why!!! And we should discuss this with our children so they will know! When young ladies get into relationships, handling that relationship the proper way begins with the father’s validation, the Heavenly Father’s validation, example of the mother, setting those standards, and the company you keep. If you have that validation, you know who you are and whose you are and no one can tell you how pretty or great you are because you already know! If you have that righteous example from mom, you know what being a lady looks like and others do too, and when others see that, they know you respect yourself and that you have standards. Those standards tell others how you want to be treated and anything less is not acceptable. And if you have good friends, you don’t have to worry about people being in your ear talking you into making wrong decisions, and they will actually be there to say, “No, leave them alone” or “You know better.” When one of these is missing, getting into bad relationships begin, and for some reason, it’s hard to get out! Something has to give. It’s either the trying to prove something, the trying to please someone else, or even your own confidence or standards need to be reevaluated. Until one of these is done, it’s hard to get out of those bad relationships. As God’s ladies, we should be striving to be wives, not every other dude’s girlfriend, anyway. I had always been the type that if I knew it didn’t have a chance, I didn’t even bother. I didn’t see the point in having a boyfriend unless they were someone I could see being my husband, a leader, and follower of God. But, because of changes of what I was being taught and the people around me, it had an effect on me. What I’ve learned is that we have to teach our children constantly. We can’t just teach them and then when they turn a certain age, like 12, just stop. It needs to continue as long as they are under your roof. When they move out, they should be equipped with the knowledge on how to handle themselves in a Godly manner with no compromise. Even if they do mess up, they will know how to get it back right, “train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 (NVS)

Now if you are in a relationship, ladies, here is something that I would like to bring to your attention. The bible describes specifically what love is (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). Being in a relationship with no love is becoming very common nowadays. The set of questions below are a great way to help evaluate your relationship:

                1. Are you patient with each other?

                2. Are you kind to each other?

                3. Are you never envious of each other?

                4. Do you never boast to or about each other?

                5. Is your relationship characterized by humility?

                6. Are you never rude to each other?

                7. Are you not self-seeking?

                8. Are you not easily angered with each other?

                9. Do you keep no records of wrongs?

                10. Are you truthful with each other?

                11. Do you protect each other?

                12. Do you trust each other?

                                If yes to ALL—Love

                                If no the ANY—a discussion or decision is needed

                                (questions are from: www.christiananswers.net)

When true love is actually present in a relationship and the decision to get married is made, a whole new ball game comes into play. Marriage is work, and as God’s ladies, we have to know and understand our role in order to help make that marriage a successful one and one that pleases God. I went through the whole independent woman phase before I got married. I knew I was ready for marriage because I had my own everything, and I just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel natural that I was running EVERYthing and doing EVERYthing. I realized that some things a man needs to. I needed my “superman” to come take over! I started talking to God about my role as a woman and how I was starting to understand His order. I told God I would be happy with myself and who I was as an individual and whenever He sent my husband to me I would be appreciative, if it were 2 weeks or 2 decades. I had to be happy with myself and not trying to prove to everyone else I could do everything. A few months later, God sent my husband right to me! “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22, ESV) He found me! LITERALLY! I will have to share in another post how it all happened, but there he was, at my doorstep!

He came and took that load I didn’t need to be carrying off of me. But it was amazing to me how I was so into being an independent woman before and it actually felt natural to submit to my husband! It felt natural to do things to build on his ideas or when he couldn’t figure something out, I was ready to help. Being a help meet to my husband is more satisfying, natural and gives more peace than being an independent woman ever could have. In Genesis 2:18, God created man first then woman to be a helper to the man. This is why it feels natural. As women, we are designed to be helpers to our men. Too many women stay in that independent woman mindset and try to rule the man. There is no peace in that, and it is not natural. Men don’t like that! By men, I’m talking about real men. Let them function in their role and your role will follow suit. This is where communication comes in. Knowing his goals should already be discussed, and your goals as God’s lady should be to do what helps your man reach his goals. A really great way for it to work out is if what you personally like to do or hope to achieve actually lines up with his goals or actually helps him reach those goals. The man leads, but it’s still teamwork! I know us women always get the idea of the man being the boss of everything when we hear about submitting.  But it means we as women let the men take on their role, let them take our hands and lead the way while we help make the journey easier or more practical in some situations.

Basically, when we learn to follow the order that God has set in place, it makes for happier marriages and happier ladies of God. Remember, Proverbs 31:10 says, “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” (ESV) This is how we are seen as women of God, women with validation and standards, women with self-respect and confidence, women that submit to their husbands…God’s Lady.

Continue to read Proverbs 31:11-31 for more on a woman of God.

-Amy M.