There are so many marriages out there that have failed or
are in bad shape. It is so many that it has come to the point where many of us
think that when someone gets married, the first thing to look for is how long
you think it’s going to last. This is very sad and makes me ache for those who
are truly having problems and support could be just the thing they need. Also,
it gives a bad name to those of us with great marriages. It is hard for people
to comprehend your happiness, especially if it is a new marriage. We have
gotten to the point where we discourage couples and feed them negative
feelings, “oh you happy now, give it some years.” I’ve heard this plenty of
times and not just to me, but it was told to others. Why?? Why are we
discouraging our married couples? The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a
good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18,22 ESV) Marriage is a
good thing. Yes, some people get married for the wrong reasons or to the wrong
person instead of following the guidance of God, but this is not the case for
everyone. Because of a few terrible times or watching loved ones get hurt, we
associate every marriage as the same. Honestly, I can’t do that. I never could.
I watched others around me do that and talk negatively about marriage, but I
never saw it that way.
Marriage is supposed
to be honorable. And if there are others around that want to share those
negative comments, get away. If you and your spouse are dealing with things, it
needs to be between the two of you. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall
leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall
become one flesh.” (ESV) You are one. You have to be on the same page. You can’t
eat something and your stomach just decides it just rather pump blood instead.
What?! That sounds crazy, but getting married and becoming one but going
against yourself (your spouse because you are one) is crazy! But those people
telling you their horror stories don’t help. They are trying to tell you that
it is normal to have a bad marriage. No, it’s not! What they should mean is
that it is hard sometimes. It is. It is work. Because it’s not just you
anymore, it’s the both of you and you depend on each other. On each other (1
Corinthians 11:11). Not the people in your ear.
Also, why is it
that when people give advice (or just comments) on marriage, you don’t hear a
lot of things about how wonderful it is? Maybe I’ve answered that already and
didn’t even realize it. But we need to do more of this. Let these couples know
that yes, it’s hard, it’s work, but when you put in that work and that
communication and you plan and set goals as ONE FLESH (Matthew 19:2-9),
marriage is beautiful. And if you get those comments, “well give it some more
years, it will get harder or worse” just say, “well, it may, but God is in the
center of this marriage.” This is why it is a must to have God at the center of
your life and your marriage. As long as you follow his lead, you can’t go
wrong. Whenever I picture going through
something, I picture I’m walking in a dark jungle and all sorts of scary
creatures are reaching out trying to grab me or bite at me, but I hold on to
God’s hand and he calmly leads the way. His calmness becomes my calmness and
then I realize that even though these creatures are trying to get me and I can see
them and hear them, because I’m holding tightly to God’s hand, they can’t touch
me. They can’t hurt me. I’m protected. I’m literary just walking through, going
through. Now, I’m holding on to my husband’s hand while he holds on to God’s.
And some people
may say, but some things in a marriage can be really horrible. Yes, but nothing
is too big for God. It may seem way too big for us, but God never puts anything
on us more than we can handle and with his strength, we are strong (Philippians
4:13). We HAVE to have God. We HAVE to go to him. And you have to ask yourself
and each other, how did that horrible thing come about in the first place? But
if people are enjoying their marriage, let them!! Be happy WITH them! If they
are not, encourage them with The Word. It’s the guide to everything. By reading
it and in constant prayer, you will know what God wants you to do. Remember, it’s
all about pleasing God.
-Amy M.
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