Who's Watching You?

What do people see when they look at you? What are you doing when they’re watching you? What are you saying when they’re hearing you???

One reason why we should be mindful of the things we do or say is because others are watching. Not only should our lives be pleasing to and glorifying God, but we should also be examples of Christ to others. How do you think God feels when you’re talking about professing His name and then turn around and start cussing people out on facebook, in the grocery store or in traffic? When you profess His name and say He is your Savior, everything that comes after should line up. We’re not always going to get things right, but that’s when you need to work to get it right. Knowing you’re not always going to get things right is not an excuse to always do things wrong.

It is just amazing what affect your actions have on others when you do finally get things right. Let me give you an example. I had always had road rage real bad since before I was even driving (lol). By the time I was in college, I was so bad at it I would follow people that cut me off just to scare them. Every turn they made, I made too and was right on their tail! I even did this to cops! Pulling out in front of me was obviously a pet peeve of mine! But I was terrible, too. I would yell and scream at people, give them dirty looks, or cut around them and blowing my horn angrily and slam on breaks when I got back in front of them. It was awful. I had a friend with me one night and this person just pulled out in front of me without looking and I STAYED on their tail! My friend began to get scared and she kept telling me to stop, but my anger was fueled and I was determined to teach this person to be a better driver…but wait, aren’t I acting worst than they are??????? Hmmmmm….

I was so angry and had a point to prove and it wasn’t doing anything but making me worst than the people I was upset with and scaring the people around me. It wasn’t cute nor funny. I had to ask God to help me with my anger. One day, I finally got sick of the music I was listening to. It wasn’t me. Never was. I turned the radio off right then and there. After a few weeks, I noticed my road rage was like…GONE! I became more understanding with the other drivers on the road and although they do crazy things that I can’t figure out why, I continue to thank God for keeping me safe and allowing me to respond quickly to get out of the way or avoid being hit. And that’s the thing…it’s all about giving God ALL the glory! Someone cuts you off and you avoid hitting them, “Lord, I thank you for keeping me safe when that car just pulled out! Lord, keep them safe as they continue down the highways!” Ephesians 5:1-21 talks about being imitators of Christ and describes how to do that! The Word tells us how!!

Another friend rode with me recently and I was not even thinking about my driving. I just wanted to make sure we got where we needed to go safely with the help of the Lord!  But she admired my calm driving even when someone had cut us off. And the thing is, I don’t even remember someone cutting us off! I didn’t even realize she was even paying attention to my reactions! (People are watching when you don’t even know it, that’s why you have to make sure you’re in line with the Word even when you’re not thinking about it! It should be your everyday life!) But that moment helped to exemplify God’s love and how it should be in us. Others should be able to look at the body of Christ and feel that they can improve too and see that living the fruits of the Spirit is awesome! It really is! I say all of this just to say, be mindful of what you let in your spirit (music, tv, movies) because it will come out and instead of being angry and upset, thank God for getting you through, that you survived! Be mindful of these things because others are watching you and sometimes just your actions, reactions and just how you live your life is enough to win some hearts over to Christ! So if you believe in Christ and that He is your Savior and you are professing that, then your everyday life needs to show it. Your life needs to produce those fruits. (Galatians 5:22-23)

I am careful about what plays in my car, how I dress, what I say, and how I say things because I don’t want people to be confused because our God is not a god of confusion. When people see and hear me, I don’t want them wondering “is she saved???” They should be able to tell a child of God without that person having to tell them “I’m a child of God!” Your fruits will do all of the talking. That’s why you can say all you want, but your actions are saying something totally different. And people are going to look at your actions and compare them to what comes out of your mouth. If they don’t match up, you’ve just made a liar out of yourself and you’re putting God’s name on it???

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 It’s all about giving ALL the glory to God!!!

Amy M.

Expect Even The Unexpected

Don't limit your expectations. I've made the mistake SEVERAL times expecting things to go a very specific way (y'all I've even played out in my head how conversations should go, smh) and when it doesn't happen that way, I'm left in disappointment and feeling like other people let me down. In actuality, I let myself down by limiting myself to events happening only one way. How can God really bless us and use us if we are limiting ourselves and limiting our faith? If we expect something, it should be open for whatever God has planned because his plans for us go beyond our imaginations. If it doesn't go our way, fine, God has a better way! Jeremiah 29:11 says that The Lord has plans of welfare for us and for hope. If everything always go our way, why would we need hope? (because it's not always going to go our way and we sometimes won't see the good in situations with our bare eyes until we've made it through)

Amy M.

Ladies, Where Are Your Standards?

We have got to raise our standards!!!! Wanting a guy that's rich is not high standards. Wanting a guy with his pants hanging off is not high standards. Wanting a guy that does nothing but wait for you to be his mama is not high standards. Putting up with foolishness is not high standards. High standards mean QUALITY. Wanting a man that is good all the way around, wanting a man that has goals and include YOU in their goals, wanting a man that works and put in the best effort in his work, and wanting a man that treats you like the ROYALTY that YOU ARE is quality and sticking to that and making sure that man meets those things and continue to meet them is having high standards. Women keep complaining about finding a good man and first, HE needs to find YOU, and second, raise your standards!

 Looking for superficial things like money, nice car, and how they dress is going to disappoint you. It’s easy, cheap, and looking for the quantity not the QUALITY. So you have someone that has lots and lots of money. You can buy whatever you want and feel like you are “well taken care of” but are you really? If that is all you are looking for, what about how he treats you? What about what kind of father would he be? Are you okay with having the money and the ring, but he’s connecting with other women emotionally and physically? We can’t limit our standards to one feature!

Now, I’m not saying wanting to be able to pay your bills is bad or if you end up with someone with lots of money is bad. What I’m saying is don’t limit yourself to that one thing. Also, prioritize the traits that you want. Have deal breakers. What traits are good to have for you, but you will be okay without? Which ones are a MUST and if he doesn’t have it, he wouldn’t be worth your time? I’ve had people tell me to find someone that was rich, and my question was, “Well what about other good qualities?” My personal preferences may be different from someone else’s, but I’m not going to make my preference based on someone else’s. We are entitled to what we want for us, to what we prefer for ourselves. Having lots of money is okay, but I want someone that’s my friend, that I can hang out with, that I can sit and talk to, that will spread out on the living room floor and watch movies with me. As for money, as long as he is RESPONSIBLE and WORKS HARD, the bills will get paid. It may even be God’s will that you two become wealthy TOGETHER.

What really sparked my concern was a comment a young lady made to my husband. It made him shake his head and I couldn’t help but to wonder what our young ladies are being taught to accept. This young lady asked my husband was he gay. He replied saying no. He asked her why would she ask that, and she said, “I ask that because you always wear your pants around your waste.” Are you serious? Is this what we as women have lowered ourselves to? If a guy has his pants hanging off his behind and down to his knees, it’s a sign that he’s not gay therefore you can try to snatch him up? What? Actually it is the other way around, and men with their pants where they should be should be a sign of a GENTLEMAN. But when did the dress of a gentleman become gay, and the dress of a dude showing off his nasty draws become manly??

The best standard to have is to want a man that is SAVED and follows God’s will, not his own. God’s perfect order is already set, and all we have to do is get in alignment. God is over the man, the man over his wife, the wife over the children. In other words, God leads the way, the man follows God, the wife follows her husband, and the children follow her. Some of us women have been taught or taught ourselves to not need a man, but no matter how strongly you feel about that, NOBODY can argue or change what GOD already has in order. Whatever the problem is, a conversation with God is needed. I know, I’ve been there and you couldn’t tell me nothing either! Six years ago I would have laughed if anyone told me I would be writing posts like these!

With God leading the way, you know you are in good hands, and with a man that follows God, you know you are in good hands and have a strong covering! You have all of these being protecting YOU because you are that PRECIOUS! Some proof that a man that follows God is good can be found nowhere but in the scriptures. A man that follows God is good because men are told to provide for his household or he is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8 ESV). Men are to show themselves in ALL respects to be a MODEL of GOOD WORKS, and in their teaching show INTEGRITY and DIGNITY (Titus 2:7 ESV). As LADIES, getting in that WORD helps us understand our roles as women and wives, and it also helps us understand what men of God are really about and what we should really look for. When setting standards, start with that BIBLE!

Look for what personality makes you happy. Then, do they do what they are suppose to do? Do they have goals and work towards those goals? Do they include your dreams in also reaching their goals? Can both of your dreams work together to reach a common goal? Is there a PEACE about this person? And there are men that work their behinds off and women, some of us bash them because they are not making $100,000 or more a year! We say they are not men! What???! Shallow thinking! What is he working toward? I'm sure he's not trying to stay in that place in his life forever! Plus, the man is WORKING! And working hard! Let them work! Sometimes, all they need to really set them on their way is that help meet like YOU. Stop bashing these guys that are trying to make things happen and you just can't see all of that. If so, go get yourself in check first. I had to.

Additional Scriptures and my quick summaries of them:

Psalms 1 1-6 (Men of God are righteous and blessed. Their household is blessed)

Joshua 1:9 (Men of God are strong and courageous)

Ephesians 5:22-25 (the role of men and wives)

Proverbs 22:29 (Girl, you better get you a hard-working man!) smile

I made a list when I was in college of what I wanted in a man (like most of us girls). I prayed and talked to God about this list and he already had the perfect guy lined up, but I had to get myself in wife-mode according to the Word of God. If I hadn’t, we would have had some serious problems in our marriage, OR God would not have brought him to me yet because I wouldn’t have been ready. Sometimes we want things so bad and we’re not even ready for them. Our standards then get compromised because we want a man sooooo bad! But you not ready. Focus on being ready and following God’s will, not your own. And if you're thinking, "Well there's not many good men out there" then if we raise these standards, these men will comply, the real ones. But we don't expect much from them or expect unrealistic things and that's what we get.

Check out my previous post about setting standards.

With nothing but love and wanting the best from and for our ladies,

Amy M.

When People Treat US Badly, And God Tells Us To Be Nice Anyway…

I’m pretty sure most of you have dealt with situations where God was shifting the people in your life and the ones that were once close to you, it was then the season to let them go and new people came into your lives. But what about when YOU feel certain people need to be let go because of something they’ve done to hurt you or constantly not line up with your beliefs and you feel the need to distance yourself and all the while, God is continuously pushing you to reach out to this person (or people)? You can’t figure out why God wants you to be nice and hold out yet another hand when this person has been nothing but the opposite for you. Maybe there is still a lesson for you or even a seed He needs you to plant before you depart from them. We always have to look at things through God’s eyes and pay attention to His will and not be all in our feelings. It’s difficult, but it’s amazing what you see and experience and even the things you don’t get to witness that were a result of your obedience and gentleness despite the situation.

Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding

Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord,”

2 Timothy 2:23-26 Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. (Wow, this one really hit home! This goes back to what I was saying, sometimes there’s more that God wants done than we can see because we are caught up in the wrong things they’ve done instead of looking at how we can lead them to Christ or just plant that seed and keep it moving. It’s not about us and how we feel about the things that happen. If we do feel bad, that’s what God’s peace is for!)

People WILL do us wrong; they are PEOPLE! And we can’t get caught up in their foolishness. We have to continue to be examples of Christ even when we want to tell people about themselves in our own way! We don’t have to get caught up in people’s messes. Sometimes, God is using our responses (not reactions) to minister to them. He’s reaching out to them through us! So, when you can’t figure out why God is pushing you to not let go just yet and to do certain NICE gestures, to continue to show love and acts of kindness, think about His will, not your will. I’m also reminded of Hosea who, even after all of her wrong doings, God told Hosea to continue to love Gomer and care for her. The same for how God continued to love Israel.

There was a time when I had a friend that did unfriendly things to me. I continued to show love and kindness even though I felt I deserved better. Not once did I do or say anything negative to that person. Years later, that person came to realize how unfriendly they really were and acknowledged it to me and apologized. By then, it didn’t matter. Their well-being was all that mattered. As I look back at that, I realize that the person could have realized their wrong-doings and not bring it to me at all. God could have allowed them to have never crossed my path again, but the seed was still planted. They still saw my example of Christ. We don’t have to be present when things catch up with these people. I believe God allowed me to see this person’s regrets and remorse to let me know that your actions do make a difference. You may see it as doing nothing, but boy is it something! We can’t always know the reasons for everything. There are times when YOU want to keep giving chances and God is saying let them go. In either situation, there’s that common denominator: IT’S GOD’S WILL. We may not understand everything, but as long as we follow what He asks of us, He will keep us covered.

Amy M.

Are You Holding Up God's Plans?

It’s amazing how we can plan for things to go an exact, certain way. We do as much as to plan out every little detail. Why? Are you one of those people? I am, and letting God work on me as I speak. I find it so disappointing when I expect things to go a particular way and it takes a completely 180 turn on me! The difference isn’t so bad, but because it did not go according to my plan or my expectations, I’m terribly upset! But I have to ask, why? Why am I upset? Am I really having a temper tantrum because something did not go my way?? Am I really upset because someone said something or reacted in a way that did not play out in my head? Is it really that serious? I’ve noticed that this seems to be the root of several fleshly problems that we as a body have. We are too busy looking at and focusing on our own plans, but don’t you know there are plans that are greater than your own?

We get upset about things, we get frustrated, we get sad, we even get our feelings hurt because we are so focused on our own plans and expectations that we don’t see what God is doing through us or through others! We get so upset and focused on the situation and how hurtful it is that we become engulfed in ourselves, not God and what He needs us to do. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare (peace) and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (ESV) God has a plan, and it is a GOOD plan. Why are we too busy putting our own plans in the way? Doing this causes us to lose patience, get frustrated, become angry, and to do things spitefully. God has taught us to be and do the opposite of these things: “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19), “be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools” (Ecclesiastes 7:9), “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” (Romans 12:12), and “a hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” (Proverbs 15:18). I don’t want to be a fool, and neither should any of you!

We have to take these moments when we find ourselves focused on ourselves and our wants and our plans and put that energy toward God and His plan for us. Who are we to say those plans will just not do? We need to use these moments to ask God to help us and to bring us closer to Him. God has plans for us despite how we see our situations or certain circumstances. Sometimes, those low moments are needed just to build us, bring us closer to God, and prepare us for the thing God had planned all along! Sometimes, it's to show other people the evidence of His goodness and power. Let’s ask God to forgive us and to give us wisdom as we deal with daily situations and people in our lives. Make God your focus and let yourself be an example of His goodness, His mercy, and His love.

Amy M.

"I'm Just Being Realistic"

Ever have people in your life that when you share exciting things with them, they respond not with the same excitement, but with seriousness and say things like, “Well, I’m just being realistic.” And they start talking about how that thing could possibly not work out and how you have to prepare for the let down. WHAT??? Are you serious??? This can put a damper on your day, especially when all you wanted was a simple, “That’s great! I’m praying for you!”

I understand people not wanting to get their hopes up or wanting to make sure their loved ones are not in over their heads, but we also have to make sure that we are not being so realistic that we forget to be happy for one another. I dealt with a situation like this, and I begin to feel so discouraged and wondering should I not be excited, should I be looking at all the negative things that could happen and plan according to that? It was like no one wanted to be happy for me and wanted to tell me about how terrible things COULD be.

To some people, being realistic means you are always planning for the worst and if something bad can happen, it will so you better be ready. But to me, realistic means you work together with God. You do your part, work within your means, learn, grow and God watches your faithfulness and your trust in Him, and He provides. We ask for it, work towards it and He is already making it happen (if it is His will). He’s just waiting on us to get there. Therefore, I don’t even like to say “realistic”. I like to say “faith” and “common sense”(smile).

But when good things are happening, why not praise God for it?! Why not be excited?! Why not celebrate and shout for joy?! Especially if it was a long trial, then you are also celebrating the fact that you made it through. One of my favorite songs as a little girl was “How I Got Over” by Tramaine Hawkins. So as a little girl, I understood that some things are going to be hard, but you can’t dwell in that. You have to keep going, with that beautiful smile on your face, until you make it out. Then, you’re able to look back and go, “wow, I made it through all of THAT? Only God!!” and get your praise on!

Why do we try to hold on to those trials? “Well, I can’t try this because the last time I did something, this happened and I’m not trying to let that happen again.” How many of us say things like this? Let’s start by changing our attitudes. We have to ask God to renew our minds. Our mindsets need to be more like, “Well, this happened before, so I need to make sure I do this and that to make sure it doesn’t happen again and Lord I thank you!” Negative people (that call themselves realistic) are just letting previous experiences keep them from moving, from growing where people with faith learn from those experiences and make smarter choices next time and with that trust in God, they keep it moving.

Also, sometimes we act on things God DID NOT tell us to do! Here’s a great way to tell the difference:

                God telling you to do it or it’s going to happen: “There’s this constant tug on my heart to do this thing.” “God just gave me a peace and a sense of happiness about this thing.” “Whenever I pray to God (Yah) about this thing, this other thing always drops into my spirit.”

                God not telling you do it or it’s not suppose to happen: “Well, I know this is wrong, but I’m going to do it anyway.” “I just have this heaviness in my spirit about this thing, but I just can’t stop.” “This is bad for me in the long run, but it feels so good at the moment.”

We know it when we are choosing to go about things the wrong way. But when we are working towards something promised and those trials come along, here’s your learning experience. God is testing you, stretching you, and growing you. Don’t take it as, “Oh I messed up, I’m not trying anymore! I’m a failure!” It may feel like that sometimes, but as long as you have faith in God, meaning you trust Him enough to keep going even though it looks bad and the people around you are saying you are foolish to take that leap, you will be alright. Despite what’s going on around you, you keep it going. God’s plans go beyond our craziest imaginations! Why be “realistic” (believing in the visual things, trusting in your surroundings, dwelling on your circumstance) when you can trust in God and your blessings are even more than you could even think to ask for?!

That negative thinking is based on the fear of failing. The bible says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV). Always saying things won’t work, or dwelling on how it could go badly is not of God, not righteousness. God said, “ Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10 ESV).  If a situation begins to look scary, we have to be in constant prayer and hold tightly to God. He will help us. He will help you! So, distance yourself from those negative thinking people and move closer to God and what He says, and if you are one of those negative thinking people, ask God to renew your mind and to give you the wisdom to deal with different situations and with other people. You will thank Him for it.

Amy M.

How We Talk About Marriage

There are so many marriages out there that have failed or are in bad shape. It is so many that it has come to the point where many of us think that when someone gets married, the first thing to look for is how long you think it’s going to last. This is very sad and makes me ache for those who are truly having problems and support could be just the thing they need. Also, it gives a bad name to those of us with great marriages. It is hard for people to comprehend your happiness, especially if it is a new marriage. We have gotten to the point where we discourage couples and feed them negative feelings, “oh you happy now, give it some years.” I’ve heard this plenty of times and not just to me, but it was told to others. Why?? Why are we discouraging our married couples? The bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18,22 ESV) Marriage is a good thing. Yes, some people get married for the wrong reasons or to the wrong person instead of following the guidance of God, but this is not the case for everyone. Because of a few terrible times or watching loved ones get hurt, we associate every marriage as the same. Honestly, I can’t do that. I never could. I watched others around me do that and talk negatively about marriage, but I never saw it that way.

Marriage is supposed to be honorable. And if there are others around that want to share those negative comments, get away. If you and your spouse are dealing with things, it needs to be between the two of you. Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (ESV) You are one. You have to be on the same page. You can’t eat something and your stomach just decides it just rather pump blood instead. What?! That sounds crazy, but getting married and becoming one but going against yourself (your spouse because you are one) is crazy! But those people telling you their horror stories don’t help. They are trying to tell you that it is normal to have a bad marriage. No, it’s not! What they should mean is that it is hard sometimes. It is. It is work. Because it’s not just you anymore, it’s the both of you and you depend on each other. On each other (1 Corinthians 11:11). Not the people in your ear.

Also, why is it that when people give advice (or just comments) on marriage, you don’t hear a lot of things about how wonderful it is? Maybe I’ve answered that already and didn’t even realize it. But we need to do more of this. Let these couples know that yes, it’s hard, it’s work, but when you put in that work and that communication and you plan and set goals as ONE FLESH (Matthew 19:2-9), marriage is beautiful. And if you get those comments, “well give it some more years, it will get harder or worse” just say, “well, it may, but God is in the center of this marriage.” This is why it is a must to have God at the center of your life and your marriage. As long as you follow his lead, you can’t go wrong.  Whenever I picture going through something, I picture I’m walking in a dark jungle and all sorts of scary creatures are reaching out trying to grab me or bite at me, but I hold on to God’s hand and he calmly leads the way. His calmness becomes my calmness and then I realize that even though these creatures are trying to get me and I can see them and hear them, because I’m holding tightly to God’s hand, they can’t touch me. They can’t hurt me. I’m protected. I’m literary just walking through, going through. Now, I’m holding on to my husband’s hand while he holds on to God’s.

And some people may say, but some things in a marriage can be really horrible. Yes, but nothing is too big for God. It may seem way too big for us, but God never puts anything on us more than we can handle and with his strength, we are strong (Philippians 4:13). We HAVE to have God. We HAVE to go to him. And you have to ask yourself and each other, how did that horrible thing come about in the first place? But if people are enjoying their marriage, let them!! Be happy WITH them! If they are not, encourage them with The Word. It’s the guide to everything. By reading it and in constant prayer, you will know what God wants you to do. Remember, it’s all about pleasing God.

-Amy M.